TAS: Indoor sports? Don't ask why
November 4, 1992
Do you remember the Bud Dry commercial that asked, "Why have the great outdoors been moved indoors?" Now before all three of my loyal fans shout out, "Why Ask Why!" let's stop and think about it for a minute.
Sports are one of the only opportunities we have these days to get outside and glimpse the sun. But some people want to move outdoor recreation indoors.
It think it all began with the rise of the video game. I remember when Pong! was the biggest game in town, but pretty soon his big brother Atari hit the streets. He thought he was cool until the Japanese from across the water sent Mario and Company calling. But, as I was saying, it all began a long time ago. (Somebody cue the wavy lines--flashback sequence ahead.)
When I was young there was this video game that featured two electronic rifles and a large movie screen. A young lad who would never be allowed to hold a real rifle got the chance to shoot deer, or ducks, or clay pigeons, or whatever.
This began the trend towards indoor sports. As video games became more advanced, the graphics and inter-active abilities improved so much that you can now get a multitude of angles to watch Mario slug a home run over the fence and listen to the crowd cheer him around the bases.
However, it didn't stop there. Now we have exercise bikes, step machines, ski machines, treadmills, and rowing machines, not to mention the abomination of playing baseball in a dome.
People don't want to go outside anymore, which is incomprehensible to me. Why would someone want o go bob up and down endlessly on a step machine right beside someone who is wearing hot pink Spandex that doesn't fit and smells of sweat?
I would much rather get my exercise outside where there is a never-ending panorama of sights to see. Even watching traffic back up as you walk down Chandler Road is preferable to watching the sweat trickle down the back of the guy huffing and puffing through an aerobics workout.
Some of the more bizarre and totally useless indoor sports come from overseas. In Europe the big craze is for indoor windsurfing. The athletes ride their boards around in a semicircular arena propelled by huge fans built into the walls.
It's sort of like roller derby on water. The best aspect of indoor windsurfing is watching them jump their boards on ramps like waterskiers. If they don't position the boards right and catch the board's fin in the ramp's groove, they have an unhappy landing. Serves them right.
But the weirdest indoor sport goes to the Japanese, hands down. My sources inform me that the Japanese (who live on an island, let's remember) surf indoors in shopping malls.
Yep, they build a friggin' beach with sand and water inside a building and with the help of a wave machine, they hang ten while they shop.
Maybe it's a Zen thing about the sound of the surf, but I don't get it. Why would anyone want to get wet indoors when their whole country is surrounded with gnarly waves?
Beats me, man. Hey, catch ya' on the flip side.
Do you remember the Bud Dry commercial that asked, "Why have the great outdoors been moved indoors?" Now before all three of my loyal fans shout out, "Why Ask Why!" let's stop and think about it for a minute.
Sports are one of the only opportunities we have these days to get outside and glimpse the sun. But some people want to move outdoor recreation indoors.
It think it all began with the rise of the video game. I remember when Pong! was the biggest game in town, but pretty soon his big brother Atari hit the streets. He thought he was cool until the Japanese from across the water sent Mario and Company calling. But, as I was saying, it all began a long time ago. (Somebody cue the wavy lines--flashback sequence ahead.)
When I was young there was this video game that featured two electronic rifles and a large movie screen. A young lad who would never be allowed to hold a real rifle got the chance to shoot deer, or ducks, or clay pigeons, or whatever.
This began the trend towards indoor sports. As video games became more advanced, the graphics and inter-active abilities improved so much that you can now get a multitude of angles to watch Mario slug a home run over the fence and listen to the crowd cheer him around the bases.
However, it didn't stop there. Now we have exercise bikes, step machines, ski machines, treadmills, and rowing machines, not to mention the abomination of playing baseball in a dome.
People don't want to go outside anymore, which is incomprehensible to me. Why would someone want o go bob up and down endlessly on a step machine right beside someone who is wearing hot pink Spandex that doesn't fit and smells of sweat?
I would much rather get my exercise outside where there is a never-ending panorama of sights to see. Even watching traffic back up as you walk down Chandler Road is preferable to watching the sweat trickle down the back of the guy huffing and puffing through an aerobics workout.
Some of the more bizarre and totally useless indoor sports come from overseas. In Europe the big craze is for indoor windsurfing. The athletes ride their boards around in a semicircular arena propelled by huge fans built into the walls.
It's sort of like roller derby on water. The best aspect of indoor windsurfing is watching them jump their boards on ramps like waterskiers. If they don't position the boards right and catch the board's fin in the ramp's groove, they have an unhappy landing. Serves them right.
But the weirdest indoor sport goes to the Japanese, hands down. My sources inform me that the Japanese (who live on an island, let's remember) surf indoors in shopping malls.
Yep, they build a friggin' beach with sand and water inside a building and with the help of a wave machine, they hang ten while they shop.
Maybe it's a Zen thing about the sound of the surf, but I don't get it. Why would anyone want to get wet indoors when their whole country is surrounded with gnarly waves?
Beats me, man. Hey, catch ya' on the flip side.
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posted by David at 1:58 PM
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